Play Therapy: How Children Express What They Can't Put Into Words

Have you ever noticed that your child can’t quite tell you what’s going on inside — but somehow shows you through play? Maybe they keep building towers just to knock them down, or their toy figures are always fighting, or they’ve suddenly lost interest in playing altogether. Play isn’t “just fun.” It’s the most honest language children have for telling us how they feel.

As a therapist, one of the things that moves me most about this work is watching a child who hasn’t been able to talk about something painful for weeks — and then, within ten minutes of free play, tell me everything. Without saying a single word.

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Play Is a Child’s Native Language

Think about how we adults process difficult experiences: we talk to someone we trust, journal, maybe go to therapy and find words for what we’re feeling. But children don’t yet have that same access to verbal language the way we do.

Their brains are still developing. The areas that allow us to identify, name, and explain emotions — like the prefrontal cortex — don’t fully mature until well into adulthood. So how does a six-year-old process their parents’ divorce, the death of a grandparent, or the anxiety they feel at school? They process it through play.

Through play, children:

• Rehearse situations that confuse or frighten them
• Express emotions they don’t yet have words for
• Reclaim a sense of control over experiences where they felt powerless
• Build their own narrative around what happened, at their own pace

Play isn’t escapism. It’s real emotional work.

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What Is Play Therapy and How Does It Work?

Play therapy is a therapeutic approach designed specifically for children, typically between the ages of 3 and 12. Rather than asking them to sit down and “talk about their problems” — which can feel confusing or even intimidating to a child — the therapy space becomes a place where play is the primary tool.

From my narrative therapy perspective, I start from a core belief: the child is not the problem — the problem is the problem. This means I don’t see the child who walks into my office as “the aggressive kid” or “the anxious girl.” I see a small person carrying something very heavy, who needs a safe space to set it down.

In play therapy, the room is thoughtfully equipped: a sand tray, miniature figures of people and animals, puppets, art materials, props for imaginative play. Every element has a purpose. When a child picks a dragon to represent themselves, or builds a house with one room completely separated from the rest, that tells us something meaningful.

My role as a therapist isn’t to interrupt or narrate everything I observe out loud. It’s to create a space of genuine safety where the child can explore freely — and to walk alongside them with gentle questions, reflections, and real presence.

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Signs Your Child Might Benefit from Play Therapy

You don’t have to wait until things feel “really bad” to seek support. In fact, the earlier something is addressed, the smoother the process tends to be. Here are some signs worth paying attention to:

• Behavioral shifts lasting more than two weeks: becoming more aggressive, more withdrawn, or crying more than usual without a clear reason
• Developmental regressions: bedwetting again, baby talk, asking for a pacifier they’d already given up
• Frequent nightmares or intense fear of sleeping alone
• Struggles at school that weren’t there before: difficulty concentrating, conflicts with classmates
• A significant life event: parents separating, losing someone close, changing schools or moving to a new city (yes — relocating internationally counts), experiencing something frightening or violent
• Shutting down around something that’s clearly affecting them
• Physical symptoms with no medical cause: recurring headaches, stomachaches, or nausea

If two or more of these resonate, it may be a good time to reach out for professional guidance. You don’t need to be certain something is wrong to take that first step.

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What Does a Typical Play Therapy Session Look Like?

Every session is different, because every child is different. But here’s a general sense of what it looks like in my practice.

When your child arrives, the space is already set up — materials ready, the atmosphere calm and welcoming. I greet them and explain in simple, age-appropriate terms that this is a place where they can play, create, and express themselves freely, and that what happens here stays between us (with important exceptions, such as safety concerns).

During the session, I observe, accompany, and — when the moment is right — step in with open-ended questions or gentle reflections. For example: “I notice the small character always hides when the big one shows up. What do you think they’re feeling?”

At the end of each session, I have a brief check-in with parents — without the child present — to share general observations and offer guidance on how to support the process at home.

Sessions are typically weekly, and the length of the process varies. Some children work through something in two or three months; others benefit from a longer journey.

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The Role of Parents in the Process

If you’re considering play therapy for your child, here’s something important to know: the work doesn’t end when they walk out of my office. Home is where much of what we explore in sessions gets integrated and reinforced.

This doesn’t mean doing therapy at home — that’s my job. But there are genuinely powerful things you can do:

• Validate emotions without minimizing them: instead of “it’s not a big deal,” try “I can see that really hurt”
• Keep routines predictable: structure creates a sense of safety for children
• Play with them — with no agenda: 15 minutes of child-led free play each day can be quietly transformative
• Resist asking what happened in therapy: trust the process and let them share what they want, when they’re ready
• Take care of yourself too: a parent who’s doing okay emotionally is one of the greatest gifts you can give your child

In many cases, I recommend parallel sessions with parents, or occasional family sessions — because a child’s wellbeing is deeply connected to the family system around them.

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One Last Thing

If you’ve read this far, there’s probably something in you that senses your child could use a little extra support. That instinct matters. You don’t need to have all the answers before you take the first step.

Play therapy isn’t a sign that something is “terribly wrong,” or that you’ve failed as a parent. It’s a beautiful tool that gives your child their own space — safe, free, and completely theirs — where they can be exactly who they are, and from that place, begin to heal.

I offer sessions in English for expats, digital nomads, and international families living in Mexico City. If you’d like to talk about how I can support your family, I’d love to hear from you. Feel free to reach out via WhatsApp to schedule a first session — no commitment needed. I’m here when you’re ready.